Dream series: Ice Wall

I dreamt once I was climbing a high wall of ice. It was an arduous climb from the bottom. At one point, I was so tired it was so easy to let go of the icepick and fall over the cliff, but for some reason I held on. When I finally reached the top, I wanted to lie down for while savoring my victory over death. It was a blissful awareness of being alive. Even with the paralyzing cold, the sense of fearlessness began to set in. The feeling that I can conquer anything from then on. The feeling of freedom...

Unwelcomed Night

Clock points at 6 o’clock

Written articles left behind

Descending the lighted stairs

Into the loading area I go

Standing by the pavement I wait

Cold glass of steel on my back

Fields of rice I see in the distance

Light of day fades on the hill

Shuttle chugs around the bend

Board the bus my feet propel

See of faces on their seats

Squeezed myself to fit

Opening my room

I lay down to sleep

Sliver of lights flicker by

Cars race down the h-way

Twist & turn I go

Elusive sleep so far

Shadows lengthen & fade

Mind churning, unending

Moment pass by

Morning kiss the panes

Tired eyes open, blink

Day begins turning

Nothingness

Oh, tortured I am

The answer I cannot find

Emptiness assails my soul

Throat parched in agony

Is this the place to be?

Unending pit of nothingness

Black shroud overhead

Glimpse beyond I cannot see

Relieve me of this pain

Fingers barely on the edge

Strength of will ebbing

The plunge so enticing

Dwelling in this empty space

Tis not my will to follow

Faith beckons me past

Dreams of hope flourish

My heart’s sound

You affect me so
I know coz I’m here writing
Writing what I feel
The white blank wall faces me

It gives me hope
This paper hears me
The blinking keys my messenger
Hear the silent sound

This cry of mine
Extends to the air
Wish your ears hear
Wish your heart feels

This passion
I can’t describe
Moments pass without memories
I dream of your presence

Can’t take the waiting

I see you in my mind’s eyes
I miss you so
Can’t stop myself
My heart is longing for you

I wish you are here
Touching me, kissing me
Being with me
My eyes overflow with tears

I can’t explain
This life is mundane without you
Your face etched on my walls
Four walls surrounding me

Why be illusive?
I feel the emptiness
The velvet night expands
Can’t take the waiting

Grey Matter

I should have known
The first time you spoke
I should not have embarked
This journey of false hope

My love neglected
Spilled to the ground
I siphoned it to a cup
Mixed with grit and mud

This heart raw in trying
The grey matter sticks tight
Disappear, disappear!
I will wash it with the oncoming tide

A Lasting Wish

My aspiration to reach out
To reach the edge of sky
Shoot the arrow pointblank
Propelled straight to the clouds

A dream for a fulfilled life
Uncontested contentment defined
Mine is to stretch to the limit
Achieve the destiny of time

Destiny's Conspiracy

Let the sea roar my want and desire.
Let the moon convey my love to you.
Let the wind carry my message of missing you.

When the sun rises in the east,
It is a reminder of the 1st time we met.
Your intense eyes etched in my memory.

How will I teach my heart not to love?
That the agony of absence I will not suffer?
That I will not care so dear?

I ask my heart to stop beating your name
I ask my eyes to stop the tears leaking at night
When the busy day ends, it hurts.

I ask myself to go about my life
The future awaits either way.
Only the All Knowing knows.

Reverie

I would like to be selfish and think of what’s good for me
Selfishness born out of fear of the unknown
I would like to protect myself
That my heart would not bleed with the torn of nothingness

I would like to be selfish
Yet, where is love in there?
It’s only when I let go and not force things to happen
Even if it means there might be uncertainty looming ahead

The ringing of a distant bell signifies a start or a finish
In the bouts and darkness of misery,
There is a slit of hope that things will work out
Not only for a chance but for a lifetime

The light in the western sky starts to fade
It brings me back to my reverie
As the dark hours appear, I will meditate on one thought
In this life, happiness is measured not in scale, but of quality

Elusive Dream

Oh, my elusive dream
Where to look for?
In the cracks of the parchment
I see the indistinct outline

Catching the fleeting haze of spark flaring
Is that dream over the sea?
Or is it on top of the mountain?
Hope it will not remain a fleeting notion

Wanting not to settle for less
Refusing to acknowledge defeat
I will go to great length
So it’ll not remain my pensive dream

More than Different

Am I different because I am from a new land?
Am I different because I look exotic?
Like an insect that metamorphosed
Like a striking blossom deep in the forest

It’s sad if you like me because I fascinate you
My interesting features assails you
Not because you have deep feelings
But because I stir your primitive soul

My being awakens your senses
Gives you a feeling of euphoria
Yet, I am more than what you perceive
More than what you realize

Love Luck

How will I know he is the one?
Is there a sign in his eyes?
How will I know he is right?
When his smile is untwisted and true?

In the game of love I tried my hands
At first it seems all are at my side
But the diamond luck runs out
When I drew my last card

Now it keeps me thinking
Is love a chance or a destiny?
A science of chemistry maybe?
Multiple questions assail me

In my head a waste of time
To try my luck in this dangerous game
Rational thought prowls and growls
When will it strike my heart?

Hindsight

When you spare a minuscule time
Shall I say you care for me?
When statements are scant like gold
Shall I say, in your eyes I am worth it?

When every call is measured in minutes
Shall I say I am in your heart?
When your attention is sparing and I wait forever
I say to myself, is this what I want?

On hindsight, Search the world and find your soul
Seek the remnants of who you are
Stretch your massive wings
And soar into the encompassing sky.

Misery

At night I cry tearing my insides
Unwanted tears escape my eyes
A cruel act to set me aside
Messages sent left untied

The gods of playful fate
They give me a dose of hate
It hurts to face veracity
Undress my wings of fantasy

This case I lost
Take them to the host
Play with it if you want
I give you grant

Just leave me be
In my misery
At the end of the day
It will be my last say

Paper Trail

Talking papers arrive
Need to face beside
Scrap not for next time
Send it every time

Not easy to think
Nor easy to comprehend
A little break called for
To go home and rest

This is my task
Have to endure for a while
Comes the morrow
This will be mundane

Destiny Revealed

What is my life for?
What is my purpose?
What is in store in the future?
What will I become?

Show me the way
Show me what lies ahead
I can't wait to see beyond
What my eyes can't reach.

Suddenly, I'm faced by a revelation
Amazed by the sudden answer
A tiny hope springs forth
The fate unchanged by time.

I will be patient enough
To wait until the sun appears
Until the rainbow paints
A kaleidoscope of colors in the sky.

Beyond the Flesh

You think I am who I am
You think what you see is what it is
A shallow description of reality
The depth of me a secret

Stare in my eyes
See what is beyond
Part the cobweb of unawareness
This, this is who I am.

New Beginning

I will finish this uncertainty
Like the precise cutting of the sword.
I will end this indecision
Like stopping the flow of the river.

I will not turn back and run like hell
But will go onward arrow straight
Black and white it will be
Not the gray in between

I will have the courage to do what is right
To forgo the pain and revive my soul
To stop the flow of tears
And start a trail of optimism

To the ends of the earth I will go with you
Through the shadowed path I will follow
In the deepest canyons or raging waters
I will not be afraid

This may be difficult to comprehend
To start anew and leave my past
To others it may sound absurd
Yet you are my heart

When you are at my side it gives me hope
No darkness destroys my faith
The grasp of your hand provides me strength
You are worth my sacrifice

Life Complication

Apprehension assails me, filling my heart with dread
Twisting every veins with uncertainty
My mind having second thoughts
Wanting to turn back to familiar grounds

As the summer ends
When the field grasses turn green
And the torrent of rain pours
Will you still be here?

When minutes stretch to hours
And days turn to weeks
Months become years
Will love still exist?

The risk of opening the portals of my heart
A heightened feeling of happiness
An agony when left alone
Are my actions worth the risk?

Will I consider this a blunder or learning?
Will this be a life changing experience?
In the deepest remnant of my heart,
In this life’s journey the unexpected happens

Frozen Heart

Plunging on cold north ice
Artic yesterday is remembered
Bitter taste on my mouth,
Stiffening my tongue

Revive the embers inside me
Warm the icy feelings beneath
Melt the stiffness of my lips
Replace it with hot embrace

Though depression tries to settle in
Remove this dark cloud entering
The stark truth of love and pain blends
Yet, hope springs forth