Life Crossings

My heart’s sound

2009-12-31T18:10:00.000+08:00

You affect me so
I know coz I’m here writing
Writing what I feel
The white blank wall faces me

It gives me hope
This paper hears me
The blinking keys my messenger
Hear the silent sound

This cry of mine
Extends to the air
Wish your ears hear
Wish your heart feels

This passion
I can’t describe
Moments pass without memories
I dream of your presence

Can’t take the waiting

2009-12-31T17:57:00.001+08:00

I see you in my mind’s eyes
I miss you so
Can’t stop myself
My heart is longing

I wish you are here
Touching me, kissing me
Be with me
My eyes overflow with tears

I can’t explain
This life is mundane without you
Your face etched on my walls
Four walls surrounding me

Why be illusive?
I feel the emptiness
The velvet night
Can’t take the waiting

Grey Matter

2008-09-20T17:59:00.000+08:00

I should have known
The first time you spoke
I should not have embarked
This journey of false hope

My love neglected
Spilled to the ground
I siphoned it to a cup
Mixed with grit and mud

This heart raw in trying
The grey matter sticks tight
Disappear, disappear!
I will wash it with the oncoming tide

A Lasting Wish

2008-09-01T19:54:00.001+08:00

My aspiration to reach out
To reach the edge of sky
Shoot the arrow pointblank
Propelled straight to the clouds

A dream for a fulfilled life
Uncontested contentment defined
Mine is to stretch to the limit
Achieve the destiny of time

Destiny's Conspiracy

2008-08-20T18:09:00.000+08:00

Let the sea roar my want and desire.
Let the moon convey my love to you.
Let the wind carry my message of missing you.

When the sun rises in the east,
It is a reminder of the 1st time we met.
Your intense eyes etched in my memory.

How will I teach my heart not to love?
That the agony of absence I will not suffer?
That I will not care so dear?

I ask my heart to stop beating your name
I ask my eyes to stop the tears leaking at night
When the busy day ends, it hurts.

I ask myself to go about my life
The future awaits either way.
Only the All Knowing knows.

Reverie

2008-05-09T16:55:00.008+08:00

I would like to be selfish and think of what’s good for me
Selfishness born out of fear of the unknown
I would like to protect myself
That my heart would not bleed with the torn of nothingness

I would like to be selfish
Yet, where is love in there?
It’s only when I let go and not force things to happen
Even if it means there might be uncertainty looming ahead

The ringing of a distant bell signifies a start or a finish
In the bouts and darkness of misery,
There is a slit of hope that things will work out
Not only for a chance but for a lifetime

The light in the western sky starts to fade
It brings me back to my reverie
As the dark hours appear, I will meditate on one thought
In this life, happiness is measured not in scale, but of quality

Elusive Dream

2008-05-09T16:55:00.001+08:00

Oh, my elusive dream
Where to look for?
In the cracks of the parchment
I see the indistinct outline

Catching the fleeting haze of spark flaring
Is that dream over the sea?
Or is it on top of the mountain?
Hope it will not remain a fleeting notion

Wanting not to settle for less
Refusing to acknowledge defeat
I will go to great length
So it’ll not remain my pensive dream

More than Different

2008-05-09T16:53:00.001+08:00

Am I different because I am from a new land?
Am I different because I look exotic?
Like an insect that metamorphosed
Like a striking blossom deep in the forest

It’s sad if you like me because I fascinate you
My interesting features assails you
Not because you have deep feelings
But because I stir your primitive soul

My being awakens your senses
Gives you a feeling of euphoria
Yet, I am more than what you perceive
More than what you realize

Love Luck

2008-05-07T18:01:00.002+08:00

How will I know he is the one?
Is there a sign in his eyes?
How will I know he is right?
When his smile is untwisted and true?

In the game of love I tried my hands
At first it seems all are at my side
But the diamond luck runs out
When I drew my last card

Now it keeps me thinking
Is love a chance or a destiny?
A science of chemistry maybe?
Multiple questions assail me

In my head a waste of time
To try my luck in this dangerous game
The rational prowls and growls
When will it strike my heart?

Hindsight

2008-05-07T17:59:00.002+08:00

When you spare a minuscule time
Shall I say you care for me?
When statements are scant like gold
Shall I say, in your eyes I am worth it?

When every call is measured in minutes
Shall I say I am in your heart?
When your attention is sparing and I wait forever
I say to myself, is this what I want?

On hindsight, Search the world and find your soul
Seek the remnants of who you are
Stretch your massive wings
And soar into the encompassing sky.

Misery

2008-05-07T17:58:00.000+08:00

At night I cry tearing my insides
Unwanted tears escape my eyes
A cruel act to set me aside
Messages sent left untied

The gods of playful fate
They give me a dose of hate
It hurts to face veracity
Undress my wings of fantasy

This case I lost
Take them to the host
Play with it if you want
I give you grant

Just leave me be
In my misery
At the end of the day
It will be my last say

Paper Trail

2008-04-21T11:42:00.003+08:00

Talking papers arrive
Need to face beside
Scrap not for next time
Send it every time

Not easy to think
Nor easy to comprehend
A little break called for
To go home and rest

This is my task
Have to endure for a while
Comes the morrow
This will be mundane

Destiny Revealed

2008-04-17T10:09:00.002+08:00

What is my life for?
What is my purpose?
What is in store in the future?
What will I become?

Show me the way
Show me what lies ahead
I can't wait to see beyond
What my eyes can't reach.

Suddenly, I'm faced by a revelation
Amazed by the sudden answer
A tiny hope springs forth
The fate unchanged by time.

I will be patient enough
To wait until the sun appears
Until the rainbow paints
A kaleidoscope of colors in the sky.

Beyond the Flesh

2008-04-17T09:43:00.000+08:00

You think I am who I am
You think what you see is what it is
A shallow description of reality
The depth of me a secret

Stare in my eyes
See what is beyond
Part the cobweb of unawareness
This, this is who I am.

New Beginning

2008-04-06T20:47:00.001+08:00

I will finish this uncertainty
Like the precise cutting of the sword.
I will end this indecision
Like stopping the flow of the river.

I will not turn back and run like hell
But will go onward arrow straight
Black and white it will be
Not the gray in between

I will have the courage to do what is right
To forgo the pain and revive my soul
To stop the flow of tears
And start a trail of optimism

To the ends of the earth I will go with you
Through the shadowed path I will follow
In the deepest canyons or raging waters
I will not be afraid

This may be difficult to comprehend
To start anew and leave my past
To others it may sound absurd
Yet you are my heart

When you are at my side it gives me hope
No darkness destroys my faith
The grasp of your hand provides me strength
You are worth my sacrifice

Life Complication

2008-04-03T13:08:00.001+08:00

Apprehension assails me, filling my heart with dread
Twisting every veins with uncertainty
My mind having second thoughts
Wanting to turn back to familiar grounds

As the summer ends
When the field grasses turn green
And the torrent of rain pours
Will you still be here?

When minutes stretch to hours
And days turn to weeks
Months become years
Will love still exist?

The risk of opening the portals of my heart
A heightened feeling of happiness
An agony when left alone
Are my actions worth the risk?

Will I consider this a blunder or learning?
Will this be a life changing experience?
In the deepest remnant of my heart,
In this life’s journey the unexpected happens

Frozen Heart

2008-04-03T12:56:00.002+08:00

Plunging on cold north ice
Artic yesterday is remembered
Bitter taste dripping on my mouth,
Stiffening my tongue

Revive the embers inside me
Warm the icy feelings beneath
Melt the stiffness of my lips
Replace it with hot embrace

Though depression tries to settle in
Remove this dark cloud entering
The stark truth of love and pain blends
Yet, hope springs forth

Ghost of Remembrance

2008-02-14T17:24:00.003+08:00

Will the ghost of the past unendingly follow you wherever you go? Will it continue to invade your senses and pierce your heart’s recesses? Two in a day, will it be more tomorrow? Dawning comprehension, mixed with denial, regret and a bit of happiness learned.

Why does it keep coming back … haunting, probing, and resting not..? Will the awareness be tamed, remembrance be forgotten?

Knowledge of emotions will continue to follow. No matter of fierce suppression will do. Words can be said in loud voice, yet the heart remains mum with its confirmation. True words can be beautifully uttered, twisted into falsehood, though what is in the soul cannot be denied. The truth within will surface and even mocks the face, tearing the masked resolve of one in yearning.

It is an utmost apology that your remembrance of me cannot release you from the past. My apologies that I gave you tormenting hurt of frustration in not doing what you should have done. My apologies that you might not forget the memories of me as long as my mind have a hold on you.

I intend not to keep you there, but somehow, I’m not ready to release you yet … How selfish of me … If I will … In my mind I pray that you will find what you are looking for … the destiny of your life. But I also pray that it will steer you away from darkness … By then I will truly free you from my mind.

Reason of Goodness

2008-02-14T16:51:00.001+08:00

Being good is a function of reason. Yet it should not just lie on the reasonableness of being good. Reason is a logical, positivistic and scientific phenomenon governed by physical and biological laws. This shows that reasoning should also include morality or moral reasoning. Hence, to be good is a realization of the kind of being we really are, a realization to be better.

If only he lived longer

2008-02-14T16:34:00.003+08:00

If death is the permanent, irrevocable loss of everything in this life, we say that the one who died suffers the loss. It is a tragic thing for him to loose all he has – his family, his friends, his possessions and even his dreams that he can achieve – if only he lived longer.

In fact, death is a deprivation of life, deprivation of the goodness that can be reached, may it be material things or the mere fact of achieving something good or valuable, achievements that makes life worthy ... if only he lived longer...

Uncertainty

2007-11-22T10:36:00.003+08:00

Would I try
To follow my heart
And risk the pain
Of going to be hurt?

Would I try
To place my soul
To the feeling
Called love?

Would I really try
And give in
To something that
May tear me in the end?

As I ponder
What may happen
I want to try
I want to feel what love is.

What is Life?

2007-09-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

Life is when there is something to live for.
Life is when there is something to die for.
To pass though life with meaning
To walk until the feet grow weary and the heart stops.

Life is to be in the grand master plan.
Life is to live a life less ordinary.
Full of excitement and wonder
A life that is fulfilling and worthwhile.

Like is to have a goal and a purpose.
To live not in circles but with direction
To walk the learned path
To attain the level of living a happy life.

Life is the derivation of satisfaction and contentment.
Not of gold, nor power, nor glory
Life is the feeling of being needed.
To serve the land and humanity.

Coaching the self

2007-09-09T20:27:00.000+08:00

Don't let rage and fury consume your heart. Move towards healing, away from the tainted past. Let your creative mind take over.

Challenge your self. Take your hurts as experiences and motivations that will push you to what you want to accomplish. Do not be deterred by scattered pebbles in the sand. Coach yourself to take a step-by-step journey into discovery.

Be willing to accept changes, no matter how hard, no matter how it hurts. These will make you a better soul in the end. Emotions may temporarily blind you to see the reality. Yet, let the head take over and wipe the curtain of feelings that hurt. Let the supreme God and your self within guide you in your life quest.

Holding Back

2007-09-09T13:47:00.000+08:00

Holding my tears to flow
My tongue to retort
Holding my emotions in check
My back ramrod straight.

Remember the past
Think of the future
Forget what is now
Lest searing pain is felt.

Anchoring myself
I keep sliding down
Into the dark abyss
Down into despair.

Indeterminate Confusion

2007-09-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

Days come and go
No beginning and no end
I’m spinning round and round
Getting dizzy and confused.

Being pulled apart
Left or right beckons on me
Backward or forward entices me
Where will I go?

Being ruined, piece by piece
Catching my falling self
Trying to stand
With my remaining will.

I wouldn’t want to go
Emaciated to the bone
Disappearing into thin air
My clothes flapping in the wind.

Faith Exercised

2007-09-09T08:55:00.000+08:00

Faith is believing without seeing. It is the acceptance of what reason cannot perceive. In the matter of religion, it is undeniable that a great number of believers are unable to formulate reasons for their belief or to express verbally what they firmly stand. Yet believing is a principle of action. It does not need demonstrations as science does, it is an act of putting it into action.

If for instance faith were synonymous with scientific knowledge, there would be very few true believers. Only a handful of men that can reason out their belief are called as such. They would be identical with theologians and even philosophers who are always "hungry" for unexplained reasonableness of a thing. In fact, to demand a scientific demonstration of faith is unreal because this is based on the idea of how the mind ought to behave instead of investigating how it actually did.

Simple people, as a general rule, never try to question the validity of their faith. Simply because there is no need for them to do so. Thus, they are looked down upon because of their strong hold of their inner faith. Yet, we can say that faith is a personal conviction as knowledge is.

Faith then is an act of the mind exercised by reason. It does not have to be explicit to be reasonable. Implicit reasoning alone is an intellectual act complete in itself.

Reinvented Me

2007-06-13T18:05:00.000+08:00

Once I was nobody. Once I felt small...and then... I realized I can be somebody. To go beyond what I thought I was. Everything around is changing - the people, the landscape, the world. I had to change. To stretch myself to the limit and pursue what life offers. I looked in the mirror and saw that I can reinvent myself. This belief pushed me to where I am now and where I dream to be..

Adrift Ship

2006-09-29T11:02:00.000+08:00

Time will tell
If life is real
Make it true
When it is due

No man's land
In your command
Tried and tested
This is not contested.

Poker Face

2006-09-01T10:04:00.001+08:00

All time serious
Is that your face?
No smile escapes your lips
When someone says hello, you glide your eyes away

Do you know?
In time you’ll get old and gray
Don’t run after the wrinkles
Old age catches you quickly

Get warm and be true
Warm your inside chill and spill the ice
Soft hearts are better
Than a cold stare turned to stone

Hasty Love

2006-08-12T08:13:00.000+08:00

Ah, love...hard to control
Take mine so as not to hurt
Cut the budding feelings
Burn to ashes

Bitter taste on my mouth
Dry the tears inside
Toss it away in the sea
To sail beyond

Dark of the night
Stops the wondering
New day will start
Ah, just the memory remains…

Mind's Flounderings

2006-08-09T11:00:00.000+08:00

Hear the rythm of my mind
A train of thoughts uncut
Flickering images flashing
Going round and round.

Tiring as it seems
Thinking is to unwind
Physical exertions not enough
Rest this soul of mine.

Seaching for answers
My eyes is an enemy
A solid rock boundary
That shuts vivid imagination

What am I thinking of?
Tis not love, not life either
The matter of fact is...
The answer to my wondering spirit.

Ambiguity of Life

2006-08-06T09:30:00.000+08:00

Life is not what it seems
Just a reflection in the lake
Murky depth beckons
Churning the calm surface

Can you see?
With a splatter if rain
The mud shift sideways
Gleaning the swirling kaleidoscope

What is the color of life?
Is it black or white?
The grainy picture painted
It mocks reality.